Sunday, March 7, 2010

Of Dreams and Callings

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."
Jeremiah 29:11 (msg)

I have this dream of being a writer.  I think it started when I was in seminary.  My husband and I had only been married for about a year, and we were discussing what life might be like when we someday had kids.  Even then, the realization that I had absolutely no idea how God might want to use this degree I was working toward was staring me in the face.  Since we both wanted me to stay home with our "someday kids," we thought that freelance writing for some Christian publications might allow me to do that while, at the same time, utilizing my degree.  So we put that in a file folder inside our minds for someday and went back to our newleywed bliss.

And somewhere in the life that's happened to us over the 11 years that have passed since that conversation, that file folder has festered into a dream.  And now we are wondering if it's just a dream or if it's actually part of the plans God has for me.  For both of us.

Because I want to go only where God wants me.  Because if He's not the Leader, I'm scared of what I might encounter.

I've often said that my calling to motherhood is a pretty easy one to discern.  Because if I'm a mom, obviously God called me to it.  I mean, He is the Giver of life.  The One Who formed my children and brought them into my family.  Miraculously.  A clear undertaking of His hand.  And His hand alone.  He called me to motherhood.  Therefore, I mother.  But the writer thing.  Well, has He called me to write?  I mean does the mere fact of my dream mean I'm called to it?

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only 37-year-old mom with a master's degree who's still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up.

The question is: what is God calling me to do?

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you."
Jeremiah 29:12 (NIV)

Hmm.  I guess He's calling me to seek Him with all of my heart.  Because the truth is, God knows the plans He has for me.  As a mom.  As a writer or non-writer.  As a child of Him.  And those plans include my being cared for.  Not abandoned.  A future of hope because of Who I will find God to be.

The Message says it like this:

"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."

And that's the true future I hope for.  The very promise I have.  Just like the nation of Israel had this promise upon their return from captivity, so I also have this promise.  I will not be disappointed in Who I find God to be.  As I do what I was created to do (seek the very God Who made me who I am), I will find Him.  And I will not be disappointed.

So, I will seek Him.  And I will find Him.  He promised.  And as He fulfills my deepest longings in the revealing of Himself, I believe with all my heart that He will not let me go somewhere He does not lead.

How about you?  What are your dreams? 

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