Monday, October 11, 2010

Unexpected Expectations

I was never one of those girls who dreamed of her wedding day all of her life.  I mean, I dreamed of being married, but the wedding day in my mind didn't really make the radar screen.  I don't think I was like a lot of little girls who dream of big fantasy, fairytale weddings where millions of dollars are spent on ensuring her perfect day.  The kind of dreams on which bridezillas are built.

But . . .

Those dreams of being married translated into some pretty fierce expectations for the life after the wedding.  I'm thinking wifezilla pretty much sums it up.

Thing is, I didn't expect to have so many expectations.

Like passion every night.  And doing the dishes together, every night, while chatting about our days.  Like never letting our children get the best of us, but working through everything. together. every time. always.  Like never, ever keeping secrets.  Only ever complete transparency, which meant telling each other every detail of every part of every day.

Needless to say, it didn't take long for my wifezilla expectations to come face-to-face with the big huge pill called reality.

Thankfully, my husband has always been an amazingly understanding, Spirit-controlled man who does not get easily angered.  But there was one evening when he'd had enough.  He looked at me in my hope-dashed state as I dealt with the reality that he was going to watch football instead of joining me in the other room while I rocked the baby (or something like that), and he just simply said, "Don't you ever just let anything go?"

That night was a turning point in our marriage, I believe.  It cut me to the core in an Extreme Makeover kind of way.  Extreme Makeover : Wifezilla Edition.  And it forced me to think through all of the expectations I had for our marriage.  Actually, for my husband.  All that I expected from him.

And I realized that the list was long.  R-e-a-l-l-y, s-u-p-e-r  l-o-o-o-o-o-n-g.

We were just talking about that recently.  Strangely, I had never realized the makeover that God started that night almost nine years ago.  Amazingly, He's still rebuilding.  (Yes, it's that extreme!)  My husband brought it up, actually, and told me how thankful he was for the different woman I'd become.  The kind of woman that can let go of some of her expectations and filter them first through the Word of God and His expectations and then through the marriage that is ours.  Not mine.  But mine and my husband's marriage.

I still dream of an awesome marriage.  I still have super high hopes.  But they look different now.  They're more our expectations.  Less mine. 

And I am so much happier for it.

How about you?  How have you dealt with unrealistic expectations in your own marriage?  Are you letting God and your husband help define those expectations? 

**It's Vigilant Wives Club Monday!  And I'm starting something new . . . going through the book by Dr. Julianna Slattery called Finding the Hero in Your Husband.  You can find the schedule here if  you'd like to read along.  OR you can link up through the comments here and join in the discussion.  OR maybe you'd like to write about something you're learning in your own marriage and link up right here in the comments.  You can do so by leaving your link in the comments.  (No linkytool today -- let's see how that works.)  Either way, I hope and pray that you are encouraged today in your marriage.

**By the way -- did you hear the news?!?!  I'm moving.  To here.  See you there!!


Anonymous said...

What an open and honest post! Thank you so much for encouraging me...which is exactly what you did. I know I have been guilty of wifezilla attitudes and actions. Do you mind if I use that term? I love the way it says so much with one little word. I love your blog! ~Jessica

brianna said...

Jessica, thank you! Thanking God for His encouragment!!! Absolutely feel free to use that term. :) Have a blessed day.

cooperkelly4 said...

Brianna, how awesome to be open to the Holy Spirit, no matter how he moves and how equally awesome that your hubby was able to see a new you. (not that he "has" to, but very sweet that he has noticed) =0) still being vigilant

Unknown said...

Thanks for a great blog Brian. You have a gift in speaking the truth in such an encouraging way. It is so true that our expectations seem to be so much more than they need to be in reality. God is working on this with me too. Thanks again!

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