Friday, June 18, 2010

Learning to Learn

I've never really been a competitive person. Or never thought I was anyway.  I went bowling with my parents once after I'd graduated from high school and got annoyed with them for trying to correct my form because I was not there to improve my game, I was there for the fun of it.  For a long time, I had prided myself on living in the moment.  Not on improving the moment.

Problem is, pride and real true living cannot coexist.

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
~James 4:6

And if God's the very One Who thought up this whole living thing in the first place, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be opposed by Him. Because real true living can only come from God Himself.  The Author of Life.

I started this blog thing a few years ago.  Because I want to be a writer.  And I've practiced my writing and made some new friends and started following some amazing blogs.  I have found some incredibly gifted writers whose skills I aspire to emulate.  Which was all good and fine.  Until the comparing began.  Which led to a secret competition.  All told, it was envy, really.

It caught me unaware.  But somewhere along the line, my desire to learn from all of these amazing people whom I had found in my new blogging life transformed into a sort of unannounced contest.  One that only I knew about.  Somehow the admiration and emulation of those whose blog posts and writing I admired turned into a secret rivalry.  Somewhere in all my longing to be used by God to teach truth to others, I lost the ability to let Him use others to teach me.

He showed me this a while back.  And I did not like it.  But as I have slowly come around to the truth of this conviction in my soul, I started realizing that there are so many different areas of my life where this holds true.

Like when I sing along with the radio in my car and try to belt out "Jesus Take the Wheel" better than Carrie Underwood herself. :)  (Go ahead an laugh out loud.  We ALL know that's just not gonna' happen!)

Or when I sit in a Bible study and think about how I might teach a particular truth instead of listening to the truth itself.

And so I've missed the point.

And I've also missed the living.  The learning.

So I am declaring today as the official end of this silent competition I've been having with Carrie Underwood and Beth Moore and that really pretty lady at the mall with five perfectly behaved children in tow behind her perfectly trimmed body getting into her gorgeous new Ford Expedition . . .  Because this life is not a competition.

Because this competition is stupid.  And there's no winning.

Because the only way to win is to surrender.  Throw in the towel.

So I'm out.

And this will not become a towel throwing contest.

Instead, I'm going to put that energy towards knowing the Master of my life.  Towards searching out what He wants me to do.  Towards doing whatever that is the way that He wants me to do it.

Care to join me?  I'd love to know about it...


laura said...


Coby said...

And AMEN! I've been thinking about this a lot lately - comparing myself and competing for affection with certain extended family members. I always come up on the short end of the stick, and this sort of attitude always leads to discontent in my heart. Or it leads to pride, with me saying in my heart, "Well, at least I'm good at this" or "at least I'm not like that." Aarrgghh! I want to be thankful and content with how God made me, who He made me to be, and where He has me.

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