I'm studying today. Psalm 40. It's thick and heavy on my heart lately. The kind of thick and heavy that can only be processed with the One Who inspired both the Psalm as well as the thick and heavy.
As I study, my heart weighs the truth of my down-and-dirty against His Word. The only real and true Standard for living. Himself revealed so that I can live. Really live.
So I go upstairs and gather my notes from long ago. I carry the box that contains all the seminary wisdom from previous years, and I revisit the grounding of this dream. Why is it that I want to write? To teach?
Then He nudges my heart and refines His calling. And in so doing, He refines the questions. WHAT is it that HE wants me to write? To teach?
And He firmly replies . . . seek Me, child. Make Me your trust. I have made you Mine for a purpose. To make Me famous. Trust Me, child. Trust Me. So that "many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD."
And I get lost in the study. Excited by the details of the Living Word. No longer worried about where He might take me. Or what He might do with the work I do. No longer concerned with the details of tomorrow. I focus on what is Real.
And I wait.
Because He's teaching me a new song. He's the Composer.
I am to learn it. And sing it well. Oh how I want to sing it beautifully. For Him. Then, He takes care of the rest. "Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD." My job = sing the song He gives me.
Because His is the only song that matters. And the only song I really want to sing.
My heart protests a bit, but Lord, I am poor and needy. Think of me, Lord. "You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay." I cannot do this. Don't ever stop delivering me. For before me everyday is a battle : to sing Your song or not. Oh Lord, I need Your victory.
And so I sing.