My Own Personal Gethsemane

"Every true disciple of Jesus Christ will know their own Gethsemane." --Beth Moore, in lesson nine of her study Jesus the One and Only.

After they shared the Passover Meal and sang a hymn, "Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him (Lk. 22:39)." They followed Him. On His trek through the Kidron Valley to the personal cross He endured that very night as He submitted Himself to the perfect will of His Father. They had been following Him for three years. Learned from Him. Sought His direction. Studied under Him. Rabbi in Word. In deed. Indeed. But the true following, I think, was just about to begin on that trek through the Kidron Valley and into the Garden. Where He would lay down His life and fight the battle of all battles before He faced the battle in physical form.

There is so much about this study that challenges me. But the part I can't get over, the one that keeps repeating in my head, is the idea that if I am a true disciple of Jesus Christ, a true follower of Who He Is, then I too will face my own personal Gethsemane. A place, as Beth Moore puts it, "where serious decisions are made that will affect the rest of my walk (with Him)." And it might happen more than once in my lifetime.

Funny thing is, I think I'm there. Today, as I listened to her talk on the video, I realized the Lord's clarification of some, as of late, very persistent and personal thoughts in my head. And in my heart. Thoughts like, (okay don't lol) "Bria, put down the computer and play with your kids." And, "Bria, don't start a game of Pathwords, you know you'll get sucked in for another at least 45 minutes!" And "Bria, turn off facebook and listen to Me. I've got something better." Or even, "Bria, don't you know that what I have to offer is so much stinkin' better than any of what you could possibly be doing?!?"

And so I have to choose. It's time for me to make one of those decisions "that will affect the rest of my walk." And, I know it sounds (or looks) trite, but it's a very real struggle right now for me. Not just the time on the computer, but my "me time" as a whole. As an at-home mom, I've always been able to justify stealing whatever moments by myself that I could get, knowing that every mom needs alone time or she's just not her best. As true as that is, for me, in all pure and utter honesty, I think I've gone to the opposite extreme. No, my children are not neglected. But I must say, confess rather, that I certainly have not appreciated my opportunities with them to the best of my ability. And I most definitely have not been willing to forfeit my "me time" in order to submit in the Gethsemane way to the will of the One Whom I claim to follow.

But, you know what? That's just like Jesus. Agonizing. Hmm, cool. I guess i'm on to something. And now, to just do it....

Ahhhh....

So when I'm sick, I'm really grouchy. Self-centered. Self-pitying. Self. Self. Self. And then more self. Yuck! I'm sick and tired of this self! So Sunday morning, before my family and I left for church, instead of doing what has become the normal morning routine for me over the last two weeks (while being sick), I got up, took a shower, and decided to get back to it. Back to the real focus. Back to at least trying to regain that focus, anyway. So I journaled. And I prayed. And I didn't know what to read in my Bible until I remembered the commitment I had made last week at church to read a Proverb every day. (oops!) So I read Proverbs 15. And I prayed through it. And, although I don't believe I received any extra special revelation meant just for me, I do believe God spoke through the quiet. And He refreshed my self. And He's renewing the focus. Ahhhhh....